Why "Healing" Anxiety Made Mine Worse: 3 Questions + Parts Work for Lasting Peace
I had a chronic fear of getting my hopes up.
I had spent nearly two decades and tens of thousands of dollars trying to heal my anxiety. Every new book, teacher, or modality promised to finally get rid of my “issue.”
I started calling it a hope hangover: After the high of a new quick fix fades, you wake up as your same old anxious self.
It wasn’t until I woke up anxious on a particularly memorable morning in 2017 that I realized: The desperate feeling of needing to fix my “issue” of anxiety was the very thing that kept my anxiety locked in place.
I had flown to the Esalen Institute with Dawson Church to train a group of therapists and healers in using EFT tapping to help clients heal from trauma and chronic illness.
Was I a fraud: Teaching tools that promised stress relief but waking up with the stress of imposter syndrome?
Old me would have spent the morning tapping away this inner critic.
Instead, I asked myself a question I’ve asked thousands of clients: What if you’re always anxious [insert current problem]. Could you be okay with that?
I felt the knot unwind:
What if I stopped beating myself up for this so-called issue?
What if I was gentle with this anxious part of myself instead?
Every single block we have (chronic illness, anxiety, anger, insecurity), is serving a purpose, or it wouldn’t be here. At one point, the very thing that limits your life and your clients’ lives, was something that was attempting to save your life in the past.
Most people committed to lifelong healing, like myself, learn that the reason they haven’t fully broken free is because they must not have found the root cause yet, or because they somehow aren’t consistent or diligent enough in their self-care practices.
It’s this pressure to find the root and finally break free that causes so many of my students to ask: When do we know we are finally DONE healing?
Why do you still wake up blocked, despite all the money and time invested?
Treating your issues like enemies makes them worse because every issue started as a creative way to cope:
Anxiety started as a creative way to anticipate and avoid worst-case scenarios.
Anger started as a way to protect yourself from bullies.
A loud inner critic started as a motivator to not slack off, get the As, and get your parents’ love.
Every issue, no matter how limiting in adulthood, started as a helpful way to survive or thrive.
So on that morning, just hours before I had to present at Esalen, I decided to apologize to the anxious part of me.
I’m sorry for being so hard on you.
I’m sorry for being embarrassed by you.
I’m sorry I’ve paid people to get rid of you.
I began to see this part of me as a five-year-old version of myself. It was a few days after her older brother had died on the street in front of her house.
No one had protected her brother from the fast-moving car. No one had protected her from seeing him killed.
Ever since, she had vowed to protect herself by becoming an expert at anticipating the worst-case scenario: Maybe if you see the scary car coming, it won’t hit you or the people you love.
Her protective role clicked and I finally thanked her.
Thanks for trying to protect me.
Thanks for caring so much about keeping me safe that you gave up your peace, playfulness and childhood for me.
I felt this younger version of me smile.
No one had ever acknowledged her.
I gave my inner child a hug and said, “I love you and all you’ve done for us. But guess what? What if I said I’ll cover for you today? I’ll take over the role of watching our backs. I’ll be the grown-up so you can be the kid. How does that sound?”
She leaped into my arms, happy to have an adult in the room.
I’d spent so much money trying to get rid of anxiety when all she needed was someone to a) celebrate her protective role and then b) free her from the burden of continuing that role.
Have I felt the anxious part of myself since? Of course.
But I don’t see her as an issue, I see her as the little girl who wants life to be good, so she sometimes worries about the potential bad.
I walked into my workshop that morning with so much compassion for her that I didn’t even call her anxiety: I called her excitement… excited to befriend a whole new team of parts that were waiting to be celebrated inside of my students.
I’m excited to teach my Level 3 EFT students to heal by befriending issues instead of fixing them.
Let’s practice before the workshop even begins.
Ask yourself:
What part of me is showing up right now?
What are they trying to do for me?
What would it look like to befriend them instead of fix them?
Does this part of you soften? Do they feel seen?
It took years for my anxious part to trust me and let the adult part fully take over her job as protector. Eventually, she learned I was equipped for the job which freed her up to be a kid again.
I can’t wait to teach my next group of students how to befriend the parts of them that will catapult them into new levels of their career.
When you pass these tools onto clients, you’ll give them a framework they can use for life, that they can apply to any area of life.
Here’s what I’ve told thousands of students who want a final solution to their problem:
You don’t have a problem. You have a part of yourself that is desperately trying to protect you.
Until you learn how to honor this part and it’s protective role it’s playing (or used to play), it will always stick around no matter the promising modalities or practitioners who claim to have the cure.
That is when your clients are done healing: when they no longer see issues as issues, but opportunities to befriend these parts of self.
But here’s the catch.
Most people are afraid of anxiety.
Most people want a quick fix.
Most people want one session to heal decades of childhood and culturally conditioning.
Fortunately, You’re not like most people.
In the EFT Level 3 training, I teach brave healers and self-healers to create reliable lasting change by celebrating their “issues“ as inner heroes.
You’ll learn to blend Gestalt-based Energy Psychology practices like Empty Chair, Inner Child, Heart Coherence, and Advanced Emotional Freedom Technique, and Eye Movements to move from desperate surface solutions to long-lasting transformation.
If you want to help people finally befriend their anxiety, illness, and inner critic so they can get their hopes up about a new level in their careers and relationships, reserve your seat.
They won’t be disappointed.
Doors are now open.
Last chance to attend live until 2025.
Prerequisite: You should have previously attended the EFT Level 1&2 Training
Email me if you want in… We can get you on track.
Hooray from me and the 2017 version of me,
Jackie Viramontez
EFT Master Trainer
Author