Tap & Ask Tuesday: How do I rebuild after betrayal?
You asked. I’m answering:
A raw question from today’s inbox: “How do I rebuild self-trust after someone lies to me?”
Let’s get into this potent question.
We can’t control if a partner, peer, or higher power seems to betray us, but we can control how we relate to it.
Here are the 3 rituals I’d use to rebuild.
1. Tap on the moment of betrayal.
Worse than betrayal is the meaning we assign to it.
Someone cheats, and we can make it mean:
We’re not good enough.
We’re ugly.
We can’t trust anyone.
We’ll always feel this alone, upset.
These meanings are fear based assumptions.
They’re not Big T truths.
These meanings are fear based assumptions. They’re not Big T truths.
Someone made a choice out of their own insecurity or self protection. It has nothing to do with us, however hard that is to feel.
To feel our way out of unwanted beliefs, we can tap on the exact moment that planted the seed. Don’t tap on the betrayal in general, tap on the red handed moment when it happened.
EFT tapping is a form of exposure therapy where you expose your triggered brain to the trigger, and by tapping, you break the association. You build a new association of peace and power, where panic and powerlessness used to live.
With that in mind, tap on the triggering betrayal, whether that is a memory of a conversation, of messages, of white lies, or the moment you caught them. Tap your favorite meridian points. Tap and write about the moment. Tap and cry about it. Tap and breathe.
Tap until a new truth emerges.
PSA: Never tap on big T betrayal alone! I would recommend hiring a practitioner who has graduated from my Level 3 workshop!
If you are working through minor betrayal and you want an at-home practice, try writing and tapping - especially my new favorite format: T chart tapping!
2. T-Chart Tap + Write for Rewiring Beliefs.
It’s hard to stay on track when you lead your own tapping session.
This is why I use tap and write formats.
A T chart is my saving grace to keep me focused so I dont spin out - see if it helps you as much as its helped me.
Grab a paper.
Draw a line down the center.
Left Side: Write the unwanted meaning you’ve assigned to the betrayal. (Ex: this means… Im not good enough, I can’t trust, I’ll always be alone…)
Right Side : Write an empowring meaning that could be equally true and help you through the betrayal. Ex: I am strong enough to get through this, I can always trust my intuition, I am supported by friends/ family and spirit…)
I’m not enough → where I’m not enough God works through.
I can’t trust anyone → I can always trust myself.
I’ll be lonely → I’m never alone.
One moment can have multiple meanings.
The fearful meanings drag us back and make us shrink.
The empowered meaning calls us forward and helps us expand.
3. Make an evidence journal (my favorite nightly ritual).
Once you choose an empowered beleif - write it on the top of another blank page.
Build the muscle of beliefs that actually support you.
Write the belief at the top.
Write three pieces of evidence every night that prove the desired beleif is already true.
Your brain gathers confirmation bias.
What you expect to see is what you will see.
Want to believe trustworthy people exist?
Write examples from books, shows, or your own child confiding in you.
Want to believe you’re incredible?
Write three pieces of evidence.
Want to believe you’re beautiful mind body and spirit?
Write three pieces of evidence.
I have an evidence journal, and at the top of the page I am working on beliefs like, “You are more than enough” and “It’s safe to trust other people.”
Some days I build “enoughness” by writing about biking my daughter to the beach at 7 AM and building sandcastles. Other days I write that I cried in front of her and then taught her about emotions. However cheesy, collecting evidence builds inner confidence.
Some days, I build trust by writing about how a colleague said they would cover for me at work, and then they did. Other days, I’ve written about how my partner remembered something I forgot. Every small piece of evidence builds trust.
Betrayal can feel like a block between you and the relationship you want, but if you use these three rituals, the betrayal can become a birth canal to a better you.
Question the meaning you’ve assigned to the moment of betrayal (via specific-event tapping).
Adopt a new meaning of the same moment (via T-chart tapping).
Build your belief in this new meaning by collecting evidence (via evidence journaling).
If you want your own “Dear Jackie, what do I do now?” moment answered, come to Live Tap & Ask with Jackie every month.
Bring your question. Bring your confusion.
I’ll bring guidance, clarity, and the evidence-based tools I’d use myself.
Join this sacred live group before our next call. (Recordings available for members)
