5 Ways to Tap With Children
If I had a nickel for every time a client said, “I wish I had EFT as a kid!” Me too! It would have saved me thousands of dollars in therapy.
Now that I have a toddler in my lap and a baby in my womb, I’m committed to passing on EFT and other practical tools to the next generation.
Here are 5 of my favorite exercises:
#1 Thigh Tapping when your kiddo is sad.
When my son is crying I sit him on my lap and lightly tap on his thighs, alternating left, right, left, right.
As I talk to him about how he is feeling, I use this form of bilateral stimulation to help his body regulate (a fancy word for calming down).
Tapping left right left right not only helps his left and right brain hemispheres come into balance, but I notice it helps me feel balanced, instead of overwhelmed by his inconsolable tears.
Hot Tip: Children rarely calm down until the adults around them calm down too!
#2 “Name it to tame it” when your kiddo is mad.
Have you heard Mr. Rogers's famous words: “What do you do with the mad that you feel?”
Before you can choose HOW to relate to emotions, you have to be able to identify the emotion: I feel mad, sad, lonely, bored, ignored.
By naming the feeling, kids become the observer of their feelings: The feeling becomes something they see, instead of something they ARE.
When my son is mad, I ask him, “Where is your mad?
I put my hand on his belly: “Is it here?” Nooooooo he screams.
I put my hand on his throat? “Here?” Noooo he whines.
I put my hand on his belly? “What about here?” Yea, he whimpers.
I leave my hand on his belly and validate the very real anger he is feeling: “I feel mad in my belly sometimes too. That’s OK.” I say.
Just teaching him to feel his emotions, without judging them, or exploding with them, is a huge step toward one day being able to self-soothe on his own.
Only once they can name the emotion, can they tame it, and in Mr Roger’s words then “Do something” productive with their anger.
Then we can teach them breathwork.
#3 Kid-friendly breathwork.
From working with kids in India, China, South Los Angeles, and now my son, I have come up with some silly breathwork names.
If my son knows that his “mad” lives in his belly, I can say “OK let’s blow out the candle with our mad.” We take a deep breath and blow really hard as if we are blowing out his birthday candles.
“It’s not blown out yet” I yell. We blow the imaginary candle again.
After about 3-5 big blows, I put my hand on his belly again: “How’s your belly now?”
“Good,” he says and starts playing with his trains.
Birthday Candle Breathe is my son’s cue to take a deep breathe and blow really hard. Does he always do it? No! This suggestion is one step closer to him choosing to self self-regulate as he gets older.
#4 Surrogate Tapping.
Sometimes an emotion feels too big to blow away in 3 breaths. For example,
when he is dealing with sickness
when he is a teething infant
when he is scared to go to preschool
when my partner is on a 2-week work trip and he wakes up screaming for, “Dadda.”
In these cases, I act as a surrogate for my son. Surrogate tapping is when you tap as if you are the other person.
For example, when he is teething, I tap and say: “My mouth hurts! What is going on! Will this ever go away!?” By tapping and tuning in empathetically to what the child is going through, we can help them feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Surrogate tapping is backed by dozens of case studies and data. In some cases, Surrogate EFT is just as effective as regular EFT. In my EFT for Kids course, I link all these juicy research papers for students to nerd out on.
The#1 benefit I’ve experienced from Surrogate Tapping is that as I tap on behalf of my son’s fears, I feel less fearful. His BIG feelings seem less threatening to me. They feel less personal. I feel more grounded and am able to show up as an emotionally stable (non-codependent) momma.
Codependence is when we take responsibility for other people’s feelings. We might feel guilty when they are mad or worried if we can’t fix their feelings. As a recovering codependent. I love Surrogate Tapping becuase it is a proactive way to do something with my tools while also surrendering the final outcome to my son. I can’t control how he feels. I can only control how I respond to his feelings.
If you want to learn to Surrogate Tap with Kids, I highly recommend my EFT for Kids Training which includes an online database of video trainings on just that.
#5 Use wordless, artistic EFT.
When I first began using EFT, I was invited to teach it to a group of social workers in New Delhi, India. They were working in a young girls’ safe house who were being saved from childhood marriage.
The age range: 6-14 years old. No one spoke English except one translator.
How was I supposed to tap with them?
Backstory: I grew up going to hospice centers that used Art Therapy to help people through grief. I went because my brother had just died and my mom decided to volunteer as a way to be in community with other grieving folks. As I prepped for the training in India, my mind flooded with dozens of creative activities from that time in my life.
Now that I loved EFT, I saw seamless ways to blend these artistic activities with the tapping strategies I was using with clients.
In India, I led the girls through 5 different activities, with no English required. Each activity helped them navigate their anger, voice their fears, and tap into their most empowered selves.
It was beautiful. The girls read poems based on my simple prompts, acted out artwork that required minimal supplies, and all the while, emotionally regualted using the tapping points.
That trip changed my life. I saw how quicly tears could turn to laughter. I saw girls take a brutal trauma and reframe it into poetry (literally). How? Tapping helped them see the wisdom within their pain.
We don’t need to speak each other’s language to feel each other’s stories and to tap out of the weight we still carry from these stories.
I ended up bringing these creative activities to shelters in Los Angeles, A Summer Camp outside Beijing, and now to groups of adults worldwide.
When my son is old enough, I’ll be using these art activities with him.
If you want access the full database of creative exercises, and get a chance to practice them live, I’m super excited to lead my EFT for Kids & Teens Training one final time before the birth of my second child.
Lifetime Access Course
Since I’ve led this in the past, students will get immediate access to the online self-study portion when they enroll.
I added a new robust video section that answers common challenges, including ADHD, Autism, Eating Disorders, Bullying, and Handling Divorce.
I will add these additional recordings to your online portal, so you can revisit and enjoy them for years to come.
Get immediate access to the online portal when you enroll here.
Have questions? Email me at jackie@theeftmasterclass.com
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