Roadmap Your Inherited Trauma: Printable Exercise:
Who are your ancestors?
Did they give you an inheritance? Or just an inheritance of trauma?
Inherited Trauma or Intergenerational Trauma is the idea that you not only carry fears and learned behaviors from your own childhood, but from your caregivers and ancestors.
Want an example?
I worked with a woman who came to me feeling like she was trapped.
She wanted to leave her marriage but she was afraid she would lose her entire family.
But, if she stayed, she was afraid she might die (a spiritual death).
When Current Struggles Feel Hysterical, Its a Sign Its Historical
I asked her: “Is this feeling familiar? Was there a time in childhood when you felt equally trapped?
I expected her to tell me about a childhood memory.
Instead, she said: “I’ve always felt this way. No matter what I choose, it’s a lose-lose. If I leave, I lose. If I stay I lose.”
She listed dozens of scenarios from early childhood until now when she felt caught in a Catch-22.
A bell rang in my head: Clients who say they were BORN feeling this way, are usually right.
I was born anxious.
I was born not trusting anyone.
I’ve never had confidence.
I’ve never liked asking for help.
Life-long patterns might be a sign that your pattern could be Inherited Trauma.
Inherited Trauma = Patterns passed down from one generation to the next.
Your father struggled with anxiety. You are born with anxiety.
Your grandmother had a fear of heights. You are born afraid of heights.
Your grandfather lost everything in a sudden accident. You always question when the other shoe will drop.
Your mother (and every woman in your lineage) sacrificed her needs for the men in her life. You might feel guilty putting your needs first even though your partner has never asked you to give them a backseat.
I’ve seen evidence of inherited trauma hundreds of times.
And I was seeing it again with this client.
Carrying the War of Her Grandparents
I asked: “Did your parents ever face a lose-lose situation? Grandparents? Great-grand…?”
She cut me off crying.
She knew her grandfather had fought in a war that he didn’t want to fight.
She remembers sitting at his feet hearing about the month he spent starving in a forest with a small troop. Every night he tried to muster the courage to flee, but he never did.
He didn’t believe in the war, but if he fled, he knew he’d have to flee his home country. Fleeing meant leaving behind his wife and children. But if he stayed, he would most likely die. He’d either starve or be bombed.
A Catch-22: Stay and die. Leave and metaphorically die to the people and country you love.
Faced with an impossible lose-lose, he stayed in the woods, letting fate take its course.
I used a blend of EFT Tapping and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to help her release the fear and dread attached to this memory.
Each round dissolved another layer of fear. Each round had her seeing this as her grandfather’s battle to fight and not her own.
Toward the end of our session, she suddenly looked at me, and as if surprised, said: “He survived! My grandfather is still alive.”
She obviously always knew her grandfather had survived the war. I knew her grandfather hadn’t died (because he was the one who told her the story). Tapping on the imagined memories of war helped her body and nervous system know the truth too:
The war is literally and metaphorically over.
It may sound strange but my client’s DNA thought she was at war.
Her lifelong pattern of feeling stuck between lose-lose situation after lose-lose situation was a direct inheritance from her grandfather.
Only once she consciously uncoupled from her grandfather’s unprocessed pain, could she start consciously uncoupling from her partner.
Journal Exercise:
Whether you know your ancestors or have to guess based on breadcrumbs like their home country, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status, ask yourself:
What trials did they most likely face? In their life? Career? Finances? Relationships? Health?
What traumas did they experience based on their Race? Sex? Class? Country? Era?
What worldviews did they carry based on these experiences? List the beliefs they probably held about life, money, freedom, and love.
Free write.
For more in-depth questions, download the free printable below which is one of the many pre-work exercises from my Inherited Trauma Course.
The goal of this exercise is to teleport back into time and shed light on your ancestor’s traumas, beliefs, fears, and limitations.
Then, take a colored pen and underline any patterns that feel eerily similar to your own.
You can map intergenerational trauma in two ways:
An outside-in approach: You look at current blocks. You trace them back to similar patterns in your parents and ancestors.
A proactive approach: You look at your family tree. You map traumas, trials, and patterns that blocked your parents and ancestors (birth or adoptive).
Then, you use EFT to somatically release the imprint of trauma from the emotional and physical body.
When I lead this exercise, people are shocked that they are repeating the patterns of their ancestors.
At first they get worried: OMG! I not only have my own baggage, but I carry all my ancestor’s baggage!?
I don’t think of it like that: We carry a legacy of trauma, but we have the resources to honor that trauma, and then leave the baggage.
Inherited Trauma Work is one of the most powerful types of healing to witness: Not only breaking free from your own pain but the pain of generations.
You can feel the weight lift.
You can feel the clarity flood in.
Like my client, you break chains.
If I hadn’t asked about her ancestors, she might still feel like marital separation was a life-or-death decision, which of course made her panic.
You can’t make a conscious decision when panicked.
Releasing the weight of her grandfather cleared her head.
I asked her to tell me what each choice brought to mind:
“If I separate, It will entail tons of inner work and counseling, which could be great for us.”
“If I leave, I won’t lose my family. My parents and sister love me. They said they would have my back no matter what. My oldest teen has even suggested divorce.”
This wasn’t a lose-lose decision. This was an empowered choice.
If you or your clients feel blocked by patterns that feel historical, I’ve created a 2 Day Immersive Training on Inherited Intergenerational Trauma.
Yes, I also sometimes feel guilty about the anxious genes I might pass down to my kids, which is why I’m teaching it Dec 9&10th: Three months to spare before my second bebe is born (hopefully a little emotionally lighter than me ;)
Get immediate access to pre-work meditations to map your family tree (and bonuses ending this week).
Have questions? Email me at jackie@theeftmasterclass.com
If you are new to EFT, the course comes with my EFT 101 Training that equips you with the EFT essentials.
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