Surface Level vs. Root Level Emotions
Calling someone surface-level is insulting.
We woudn’t want our therapist to call us surface-level. That would be rude.
We want to be deep, but when it comes to emotions, “deep” is uncomfortable.
The majority of our feelings are surface emotions, meaning, they mask a deeper emotion that is more uncomfortable to feel.
Anger masks sadness.
Judgment masks insecurity.
Jealousy masks fear of loss.
How can you find the deeper feeling trapped beneath your surface feeling?
Here is the # 1 sign:
If the feeling leads to reactive behavior, it’s surface level.
Social Anxiety causes you to people please = Surface
Anger causes you to lash out = Surface
Insecurity causes you to judge others = Surface
Depression causes you to numb = Surface
Underneath these surface feelings are core emotions: The RAW feelings that actually make us feel anxious, bad, less than, or defeated.
Instead of being distracted by surface level feelings, let’s learn to uncover and release the root emotion so you stop feeling emotionally stuck.
To find a core emotion, ask: If I wasn’t allowed to react to this feeling, what would I be left feeling instead?
If I wasn’t allowed to numb my depression with sugar, I’d have to feel the grief about my situation.
If I wasn’t allowed to judge others when I felt insecure, I’d have to feel the loneliness of not liking myself.
If I wasn’t allowed to lash out when I felt angry, I’d have to feel the smallness of people not respecting me.
If I wasn’t allowed to people please when I felt anxious, I’d have to feel the shame of being rejected.
I posted a video recap of this here on Instagram here.
When we OWN our most vulnerable feelings, they no longer own us.
If we don’t own the deeper layers, they will keep owning us; The reactive behavior and emotional rollercoasters will continue.
Want to know how to own and release the emotions currently owning you? I’ve got two words for you.
Somatic Therapies.
My favorite somatic therapy is Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT Tapping. The simple pressure point therapy calms your stress levels so that you can explore your emotions without getting triggered by them.
EFT Tapping allows you to hold your heaviest feelings and say: I see you. I hear you. But, I am NOT you.
As you tap on the surface anger, the vulnerable tears eventually come.
As you tap on the surface jealousy, the raw fear eventually comes.
As you tap on the judgment and frustration, the deeper shame comes.
A sure sign that you’ve uncovered a core emotion is that you will feel uncomfortabe, vulnerable, and even weak… but when you pair this BRAVE introspection with EFT, the discomfort shifts into release.
I had a religious client come to me for all-consuming anger after a partner of over a decade cheated on her. Everywhere she looked was a reminder of him and his betrayal. It was affecting her work. She came to me to tap and rage, but what she really paid for was to make her walls come down (as tapping does). Beneath her outrage was a bittersweet heartache of losing not only the man, but the future family, she had dreamed.
She looked at me through happy tears and said: “In my weakness, I am made strong.”
In her weakest feelings of grief and heartbreak she found her strength.
She remembered her truth: I am not this feeling. I am so much more. This feeling isn’t the end of me.
Free of the anger and disgust, free from the deeper grief and fear, she found hope and forgiveness, again, or maybe for the first time.
This week, ask yourself: If I couldn’t react to this feeling, what would I be left feeling instead?
Then, tap on it! If you don’t know how to tap on emotions like anger, grief or jealousy, I highly recommend starting with some EFT basics.
You can grab my EFT for Peace & Positivity tapping meditation on my Start Here page. When you enter your name, you’ll automaticcally learn 4 other somatic practices to help you feel lighter.
Take it deeper: If you truly want to be your own healer (or help others), I can’t recommend my Virtual EFT Level 1&2 workshop enough. You will learn to tap on root emotions, and the limiting beliefs and memories that make them worse. To access course and healing bonuses, checkout here.
Jackie Viramontez
EFT Master Trainer