What If 80% of Anxiety is Hidden Codependency
In 2010, the year before I found EFT Tapping, my doctor all too easily prescribed me anti-anxiety medication. No judgment, but reducing anxiety levels wasn’t a helpful solution for me. Here’s why.
Anxiety is a protective and natural response to stress. It can alert us to and potentially protect us from threats. The threat of:
Danger
Scarcity
Violence
Loss
Rejection
For 6 months I took a pill to ease the knot that had made a home in my stomach. It took the edge off, like making a sharp blade dull, but it did not help me when:
I received negative feedback from my boss.
A friend told me she was disappointed by something I did
I set a boundary with an ex and he didn’t respond in the understanding way I expected
Remember the definition of anxiety: A natural response to threat.
If I made a T-chart and wrote:
On the left: A list of anxiety triggers.
On the right: The threat each triggered.
Can you guess which threat triggered my anxiety over and over again?
Other people’s opinions.
I had found my real problem: 80% of the situations that I thought were triggering my anxiety were actually triggering my codependency.
Codependency is when you overly rely on others to get your emotional needs met: The need to feel loved, valuable, good enough, or calm.
Codependents #me feel responsible for other people’s feelings.
If you feel bad, it must be my fault.
If you are disappointed, it must mean I’m not good enough.
If you are upset, I’m responsible for making you feel happy again.
Codependency is a recipe for guilt, shame, resentment, and ANXIETY.
The truth is: If you are at the mercy of other people’s ever-changing opinions and moods to feel calm and happy, you will never feel calm or happy.
Back in 2011, I wish my doctor had told me the truth:
“Jackie, this pill will help reduce your cortisol and adrenaline, but it won’t help you stop taking responsibility for other people’s opinions. Until you figure THAT out, you’ll always feel anxious.”
For that, I needed something different.
I needed EFT tapping.
I found EFT that same year and eventually used it to teach my body:
“You are safe…
EVEN IF someone is mad at you.
EVEN IF someone is judging you.
EVEN IF someone assumes the worst in you.
I couldn’t do that until I learned to go into my past, to the moments I learned it was unsafe, and teach my body that the past is OVER.
Maybe I will write an article on THAT next.
Until then, tap and ask yourself:
Can I like myself even if they judge me?
Can I feel calm even if they are upset?
Can I recognize my value, even if they don’t see it?
If you have questions about learning EFT to tap out of anxiety or it’s underlying codependency, just reply.
See you next time,
Jackie Viramontez
EFT Tapping Master Trainer
Disclaimer: Not all anxiety is rooted in Codependency. If you are afraid to drive after an accident, that is your body’s signal that its still carrying that trauma. If you’re afraid of abuse after being abused, that is your body signaling that the threat lives on in your mind. You can tap into safety regarding real and perceived threats.
Just ask me how at jackie@theeftasterclass.com